10 Advice that got me out of a Hellhole
If you are feeling stuck right now.
14 September 2017, 6 AM in the morning.
Our family was all asleep, when we heard a loud noise.
Our house had just collapsed while we were still inside.
We had to be evacuated from our own house. The neighbors were in shock.
We were thankfully safe.
My dad was fired from his job a few months ago, I was new at my line of work and wasn’t making a lot of money yet. So we stayed at our cousin’s place.
One year after that, my father suddenly passed away.
He left me as the head of the family to take care of my brother and my mother.
On top of that, he left us a huge pile of credit-card debts and personal debts.
It was hell.
As a 23 year old, this situation was tough for me.
Dealing with the debt-collectors, government officials, people we owed money all while juggling a full-time career and working on a side hustle to make extra cash… was hell.
But slowly, as time goes by, we were getting out of it.
Being stuck in a hole is not easy. I decided to document the process here and hope it reaches those who need it.
1. As per this article is written, 94,000 people died today.
Yet, you’re here. Breathing.
When I was evacuated out of that house, walking through the ruins of what was our childhood home, hidden beneath all the fears of what’s coming next…
There was a mild sigh of gratitude that I was still alive.
Life still has purpose for you.
Take a moment to appreciate this fact.
2. Take the first step, and then the next step.
Going out of a deep hole is tough. Take this advice from Martin Luther King Jr.
You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.
How true.
Imagine you’re riding a bike and going 2 KM.
You don’t have to know how to road looks like all the way, don’t you?
You just got to see within the next mile, and keep paddling.
Same with life. Just take the first step, and then the next step.
3. No matter how f*cked you are, when you make a new decision, you become a new person.
Paolo Coelho said, “When you make a Decision, the whole Universe conspires to get you what you want.”
On a more practical level, a decision is you becoming a new person.
You can take radical actions, or you can take smaller steps.
Either ways, consistency is key.
I wanted to be debt free when my father passed away. So I spoke to the people he owed money to, told them I’d pay it in installments, got to work and paid a small amount every month.
It looked like forever (2 years), but along the way, I realized I was closer and closer to finishing the debt.
Start today, do it again tomorrow.
You will not realize, with time, you’ve become a new person.
4. Taking baby steps in one direction is better than taking giant steps in many directions.
Again, Consistency is the name of the game.
If you’re feeling stuck, just take small steps and do it again tomorrow.
In 1 year, you’re better off running 5 minutes a day for 365 days than 30 minutes for only 1 day.
I share more about this topic here.
5. Don’t compare your life. Take the lessons.
Comparison is a b*tch.
I know that first hand. I’ve been there.
A lot of my friends were partying at 23, I was working and paying off my debts.
Today, I’ve learned the value of saving and investment.
What you are going through today is going to help you in the future. Take the tool and put it in your arsenal.
6. Being underestimated can be a superpower.
I learned this from Jessica Simpson.
She was a Singer turned Reality-TV Star turned Fashion Entrepreneur. Throughout her career, she was regarded as the “Dumb Blonde” and a lot of viewers thought she was not destined for greatness.
But she used those taunts to create her own namesake empire, today worth $200 Million.
Change your perspective. When people underestimate you, use it as a fuel.
7. Get help.
There are people out there who want to help you.
Not everyone is egoistic and wants to scam you.
Truly successful people are not petty. They are generous.
They know what it feels like to be at a hole, and they know the way to get out.
Ask for help.
But for your own good, don’t ask for something for nothing. Offer something in return for their help.
This will help you put your mind in a state of abundance, and build a solid relationship with them in the long run.
I asked few of my uncles to help my family with my papers, in exchange I offered to teach their son English.
Go seek help and give value. Become better, then help others.
8. Most of your fears are imaginary.
Write down all the stuff you’re “afraid” of.
Write down where did you get those thoughts from.
Do you realize most of them are imaginary? Or you picked it up from other people, and it become your own?
99% of what you worry about, never happens.
9. Document the process
This is HUGE.
It’s not easy to have this mindset, but being stuck in a hole could be rewarding for you in the future.
You can document the process, learn how to get out of it and help others going through the same thing in the future.
I have a cousin who spent close to 3 years getting his citizenship papers. Now, he helps fellow expats with their documents. It’s a full-time business for him.
For me, you’re currently reading the result. Hopefully, this story helps you and others like you going through exactly the same thing.
Your journey will be valuable to A LOT of people.
Document and help.
10. Don’t let it define you.
When you’re stuck in a hole, it will be difficult to love yourself.
Maybe you are in this situation because of something you did, or someone else.
Either ways, don’t let this define you.
You are not what happened to you. Who you are is much bigger than this.
That is why, you can make choices now that moves you in a different direction.
Conclusion
Here are the steps you can take to get out of a hole you’re currently in.
- Appreciate the fact that you’re still alive
- You don’t have to figure it all out. Just take the first step, and then the next.
3. No matter how f*cked you are, when you make a new decision, you become a new person.
4. Taking baby steps in one direction is better than taking giant steps in many directions.
5. Don’t compare. Take Lessons.
6. Being underestimated can be a superpower.
7. Get Help.
8. Most of your limits are imaginary.
9. Document the Process
10. Don’t let it define you.
No matter what kind of situation you’re in, you can get out of it.
Take it one step at a time and believe in yourself.
